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You know you are a rower when...
by Matt Sarget
posted on December 1, 1997

You Know You Are A Rower When...

sent to row2k by Matt Sargent


-you don't mind walking in frozen bird shit barefoot
-everything you do is "in 2..."
-you need to have a small pushy person around telling you what to do all the time
-you can get up, get dressed and get out of the dorm before your eyes are fully open
-the phrase "cox box" doesn't make you giggle
-you believe the world wouldn't exist without spandex
-you only recognize your friends from behind
-when you need to go anywhere, you have a sudden urge to throw your car over your shoulder
-before you go anywhere, you are at Main 20 minutes early
-you stick water bottles in your shorts for no reason at all
-you feel naked without clothing enough for 10 people on
-you believe all authority figures carry a megaphone
-you sit in class leaning to your rigger
-half your body is bigger than the other
-you blame bad moods on "the set"
-when your play softball at your company picnic you are psyched to get old people on your team for the age handicap
-your friends need a rowing translator to decipher your language
-you can wear the same thing every morning for a week and not think twice
-you think sleeping late is waking up at 8:30.
-everything's a race: you walk quickly to class, just so you can pass people -when someone mentions being awake, you turn parallel and set up for it.
-when you sit down in class, you look for the tie-in shoes.
-you constantly check the tightness of nuts in handrails, chairs, door handles, etc.
-you think gloves are for sissies, but a nice pair of poogies is really stylin'
-you bring up the beauty of the dawn, and people give you blank stares
-overhearing people talk about how little sleep they got causes you to smirk, and maybe get medieval on their ass
-your vision of going away for the weekend is other people's vision of Hell
-You admire the man who wears boxers under his spandex much more than a woman wearing a g-string under hers
-You watch videos together, and it's ok to say "She's looking really long."
-you know more than 4 brands of porta-johns by name.
-...you're giving directions to a friend and you wonder why she's looking at you funny, until you realize you just said "turn to port" instead of "take a left."
-...you dress and undress one-handed so you don't have to take your hand off the oar.
-...every time you sit in a chair you are mildly surprised to discover that it doesn't slide back and forth.


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