'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for a spouse
Down in the carpark I opened a box
To work off the bagels, cream cheese and lox
'Twas a monstrous beast, a thing to behold
A constant reminder that I'm fat and I'm old
2K? No way ... I'm really not sure
The older we get, the faster we were
I stared at this thing, all shiny and new,
And felt indigestion, and some follow-through
After donning new trou, two sizes too tight,
I grabbed a cigar and fired up a light
An 'on the rocks' glass, some ice and some gin,
A light splash of tonic, now where to begin?
Don't want to rush it, I'll take my time
Read the directions -- and slice up the lime
Enough of this nonsense, that's how you get soft
Now its one minute on, one minute off
Not rowing, you fruitcake, I have a date
Interval pieces with a cheese plate
I adjusted my nuts and continued to linger
Can't start a piece without smelling one's finger
I crept up the slide to give it a whirl
It wouldn't be long 'er I start to hurl
All of a sudden I sat up with a start
Leaned to the left and eased out a fart
There stood the missus, a look of pure scorn
"I was sure you were down here looking at porn"
So off I went, my ego in tow
An ignominious end to a holiday row.
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01/06/2011 9:14:49 AM
12/16/2010 7:14:58 AM