row2k Features
You know you are a rower when...
December 1, 1997
Matt Sarget

You Know You Are A Rower When...

sent to row2k by Matt Sargent


-you don't mind walking in frozen bird shit barefoot
-everything you do is "in 2..."
-you need to have a small pushy person around telling you what to do all the time
-you can get up, get dressed and get out of the dorm before your eyes are fully open
-the phrase "cox box" doesn't make you giggle
-you believe the world wouldn't exist without spandex
-you only recognize your friends from behind
-when you need to go anywhere, you have a sudden urge to throw your car over your shoulder
-before you go anywhere, you are at Main 20 minutes early
-you stick water bottles in your shorts for no reason at all
-you feel naked without clothing enough for 10 people on
-you believe all authority figures carry a megaphone
-you sit in class leaning to your rigger
-half your body is bigger than the other
-you blame bad moods on "the set"
-when your play softball at your company picnic you are psyched to get old people on your team for the age handicap
-your friends need a rowing translator to decipher your language
-you can wear the same thing every morning for a week and not think twice
-you think sleeping late is waking up at 8:30.
-everything's a race: you walk quickly to class, just so you can pass people -when someone mentions being awake, you turn parallel and set up for it.
-when you sit down in class, you look for the tie-in shoes.
-you constantly check the tightness of nuts in handrails, chairs, door handles, etc.
-you think gloves are for sissies, but a nice pair of poogies is really stylin'
-you bring up the beauty of the dawn, and people give you blank stares
-overhearing people talk about how little sleep they got causes you to smirk, and maybe get medieval on their ass
-your vision of going away for the weekend is other people's vision of Hell
-You admire the man who wears boxers under his spandex much more than a woman wearing a g-string under hers
-You watch videos together, and it's ok to say "She's looking really long."
-you know more than 4 brands of porta-johns by name.'re giving directions to a friend and you wonder why she's looking at you funny, until you realize you just said "turn to port" instead of "take a left." dress and undress one-handed so you don't have to take your hand off the oar.
-...every time you sit in a chair you are mildly surprised to discover that it doesn't slide back and forth.

If you enjoy and rely on row2k, we need your help to be able to keep doing all this. Though row2k sometimes looks like a big, outside-funded operation, it mainly runs on enthusiasm and grit. Help us keep it coming, thank you! Learn more.

Rowing Features
Rowing Headlines
Get our Newsletter!

Support row2k!

Tremendous thanks to our
row2k supporters!

Get Social with row2k!
Like row2k on Facebook Follow row2k on Twitter Follow row2k on Instagram Follow row2k on Youtube Connect with row2k on LinkedIn

row2k camps directory

Get the row2k app!

row2k rowing store!

Get our Newsletter!
Enter your email address to receive our weekly newsletter.

Support row2k!

Advertiser Index
Advertise on row2k