I have the courage to contact you in strict confidence as a reliable and honest person believing that you will never rush your slide either now or in future. The late dictator of my country deposited $30,000,007.68 in regatta entry fees into my cousin-in-law’s rowing club before he fled the country. This money is lying unclaimed, but because of strictly banking laws, we can not export the currency from our country without a reliable foreigner. There is also more than 100,000 of water bottles, and all of the seat bungies which have been missing since April of 1996, which you may keep kindly.

You and 4.5 million other email subscribers are the only person we have contacted for this business for now. If you will act in the spirit that directed us to you, we shall be relaxed and confident with you and transferring the huge sum of money and wet socks with maximum pleasantness. You must send to us quickly all your bank account information and your best erg score so we may approve this payment. Also my cousin asks you to please urgently send 22mm wrench to replace our own dropped into an outboard motor we were repairing; now neither the motor nor the wrench work very well.

If you do not act quickly, the money will be forfeited to buy beer for our competitors’ post-regatta party. It is to prevent this negative occurrence that we ask you to reply.

We shall destroy all document concerning this transactions immediately leaving no trace to any place. At the conclusion of this business, you will be given 25% of the total amount, 50% will be for us, 10% will be for expenses and naughty fun, while the remaining 15% will be for whoever can get the trailer brake lights to work.

The auditor of our club, (whose erg score totally rocks) assures you this is a real and genuine business proposal, and hundreds of stakeboat holders have already benefited from it. For you, it is a virtually risk-free transaction, except for the multiple international currency violations you will face, tax fraud issues, and the fact that anyone who sends confidential banking information over the internet needs their head examined.

This offer is completely unrelated to, and we ask you to have the kindness not to confuse in any way with, the $26,000,000.00 currency transaction offer being put about various exiled army colonels. Nor does it resemble the outrageous $50,000,000.00 offer you may have received from someone claiming to be the widow of a certain finance minister, who anyway didn’t row and you should not believe anyway because he wasn’t even on that supposedly crashed plane in the first place, but was in Scotland the whole time.

Trusting in your discretion and confidentiality, if you are not, then we will go away and promise not to clog your email account any more.