The NCAA is reviewing whether amateur status for student-athletes is endangered by the study of economics. The athlete spent a semester studying the world's financial markets, and thinking about money, reported the NCAA Office of Needless Interference (prounounced: NON-EYE).
"Many student-athletes spend considerable tiime studying the world's financial markets, and thinking about money," reported the NCAA Office of Needless Interference (NONI, prounounced NON-EYE). "We cannot tolerate this taint to college athletics. Many have addmitted staying up late to study 'filthy lucre,' 'ill-gotten gains' and 'obscene profits,' clearly promoting an outlook on life and athletics irrevocably bound up with pecuniary gain."
NONI also warned it was considering imposing further sanctions on universities offering classes in Art History. "The art world is simply riddled with money. It is blatantly unfair to the tens of thousands of student-athletes who compete cleanly—and who paint abstract citiscapes— thathat they should come in contact with a few corrupting influences whose sole ambition is to turn their college majors into some sort of cultural enlightenment.
"Sure, we sold their art work for millions in profit, and now they want to be declared 'professional artists," the statement concluded.