Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi -- who has compared himself to Napoleon and who claims to be "the Jesus Christ of Italian politics" -- accidentally changed the River Arno into wine during this morning's qualifying heats in Florence. Medici Flick Regatta organizers initially wanted to continue the racing, citing a sudden upsurge in spectator interest in the sport of rowing. However, crews from France, England, and Holland all protested the decision to continue.
"Imagine serving a pinot grigio at that temperature!" commented the French coach upon leaving a stormy meeting with race officials. "C'est insupportable!"
"If he was going to do it, he should have turned it into Heineken," the Dutch coach added with a shrug.
"This puts us at a distinct disadvantage for qualifying," explained an English national team rower, who asked not to be identified. "Our vortex blade tips simply do not grip the 2002 well. If they had brought out the 2003, that would have been another matter."
A spokesman from Mr. Berlusconi's office denied rumours that the organizers of the Head of the Charles Regatta had invited the Prime Minister to Boston for the fall regatta, though admitting, "that sounds like an interesting idea."
Due to the variant viscosity of wine from that of water, any world records set on the Arno will be discounted.