The US Department of Energy announced today that it has awarded $3 million in funding to five rowing clubs to research ways of reducing smog levels by installing hydrogen fuel cells in crew shells as an alternative energy source. "Water is a source of hydrogen, so it made a lot of sense to explore crew shells as a platform for this promising new technology," the office of the undersecretary of Wasted Energy stated on its website. "The Department is eager to maximize the efficient use of our energy resources."
The project will research which of five bodies of water makes the best hydrogen, the Charles River, the Schuylkill River, the Raritan River, the Ohio River, or Mission Bay. "Hell, we already know Schuylkill water makes the best beer; it's bound to make the best hydrogen too," commented PennAC's and Vespers' boatwrights, speaking in a rare show of bi-partisan and bi-club support for the initiative. "No sense wasting good government funding on research; we'll save it up for the Hallowe'en party."