"HEY GUYS LET'S DO THE ALUMNI 8+ AGAIN THIS YEAR!!!" they said.
"IT'LL BE FUN!" they said.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE OUT OF SHAPE AND HAVEN'T ROWED IN 10 YEARS!" they said.
You got that cheerful email in June, soliciting takers for your alma mater's alumni boat, and you thought: "The weather is beautiful out…I would totally love to row again…it's been too long…am I a port? No, starboard. No, definitely port. Hmmm. Yeah! Alumni 8+, totally. I'm going to start training! Tomorrow!"
So you reply all to that enticing offer: "Dude, I'm totally in. I got on the erg a few weeks ago at the gym and saw some pretty fast splits. You know what? I sort of think I'm just naturally faster than I used to be, you know? It's like old man strength or something. So, YES. Let's do it. I'm in. See you at HOCR, suckers!"
And now, here you are.
It's three days 'til hands on, and you're just realizing now the gravity of your commitment. You're going to be rowing. Racing, actually. People are going to be watching you. And your baby-soft hands and tender lumbar area are not so sure about this decision you've made. A "32"…is that per minute? Or per mile? Is there going to be a beverage stop halfway? No? UGH.
But you tell yourself "Whatever, it doesn't matter! It's just for fun! Everybody's probably slow anyways!" as you point your browser to RegattaCentral to check the start order and competing institutions.
You scan the entries… "B. Holbrook?!? Didn't that guy go to the Olympics!?! Sneaky Brown…trying to pull in the ringers, huh?" And as you click on the entry for the Bears you see "J. Koven"… "hmm he's pretty fast too, didn't he go to trials? He's probably been on vacation since June though, right? I mean, that's the deal with these Alumni 8+'s, we're all out of shape, right? Right?!?!!!!"
So you keep looking.
Northeastern Huskies… "D. Walsh…W. Miller"…gotta be a fluke, right?
Michigan… "T. Peszek…M. Hughes"…
And the panic sets in. And you realize. You've entered the wrong event! No problem, it's just a simple error; you must have been mistakenly entered in to the Olympic Alumni event. "That's cool, we'll just have them switch us to the regular Alumni 8+ event, no problem!"
In fact. You haven't!
Welcome to the field at the 2012 Head of the Charles!
In the Men's Alumni 8+ we have Bow #1: Northeastern, who is shooting for a four-peat and will leave no stone unturned as they tap as many Olympians as they can trick into rowing again. So focused on remaining the champs of this event, their four seat has even managed to trick his boat mates, as well as Boston, into thinking running a Stadium is fun. We've got news for you, Boston. You've been duped. Watch out for their coxswain though, she's a firecracker.
Right behind them is Brown, which has pulled in their own all-star cast to back up Holbrook and Koven, and they've got horsepower in 5 seat, with coach McGee. The Bears hope to crawl up the Huskies' tailpipe as they run from Bow #3, the Dartmouth entry with USA LWT Nick Dawe holding down the fort in the engine room, and Henry Luehrman who can't seem to stop singing the Big Green's praises. We've got reports from Ever Green Boat Club's B entry with Bow #9 that they've "Still got it!" so we're looking to see that magic touch push them away from their rivals in antiquity, the Cornell Class of 1986, Bow #7. Coach Kennett's daughter wasn't available, so they took the slower Kennett instead, but at least he's been through a full season of Learn to Row, which gives them an advantage on some of their BMA rivals in Bow # 4.
With Bow #10, the "Alumni" of CRC are hoping to get as much mileage as possible out of their resident Olympian, Eliot Hovey. He's got some talent from all over Europe to back him up, and he told them it was no problem at all if they were running a little meatier than in their glory days, since he loves his weight training so much. They took him up on his offer, and they all plan to take a bite out of the Blue Cheese Rowing Club, with Bow #11 and Bow #13, making a tasty Cordon Bleu with the chickens of Michigan Rowing. Excuse me, my sources are telling me they're Olympians, not chickens. My mistake. Peszek has been working on his bandana choice for months, and he's finally found one that he thinks will really knock our…socks…off. We can't wait.
Messalonskee RC at Bow #24 and Blue Goose Boat Club at Bow #23 will be giving another go at settling the argument over whether Colby or Bates is better at being the same—but different—from one another. We hear Bates has managed to recruit an even number of ports and starboards, and may have even remembered a cox box, so they're feeling good, as long as their coxswain can remember the rules. Rounding out the middle of the pack is an 8+ of thirsty Northeastern alums, Bow #28, who will be doing their best to hold off the rowdy Badgers of Bow #29, who have granddaddy Golding to keep them in line.
Towards the back is Bow #35, Butte Boat Club, who will be chasing down their Crude counterparts with Bow #16, as they do their best to win Crimson bragging rights. We'd probably have our money on Bow #35, but they may turn out to be the Butte of their own joke as Bow #43, Harvard Alumni 2009, looks poised to achieve a come-from-behind victory in this event. With some notable international and Olympic talent in this crew, there's a good chance you'll be seeing #43 earlier than you might expect, so definitely keep cheering. We hear they respond really well to large crowds and lots of cheering.
The Women's Alumni 8+ competitors are similarly talented, with the Brown Women starting at Bow #1, defending their alma mater against the speedy UVA Alumnae in Bow #2. The Ithaca women take Bow #3 as they look to make Meghan "Moose"nicki proud. Boola Boola Boat Club in Bow #4 and Bow #13 is also missing their Olympians, but be careful: they're double trouble. Don't worry, it's not your glasses. Clemson's got some power in stern pair with Cumbest and Van Fleet looking to hold off Stanford and Boston University, with bows #7, #8, and #9, respectively.
In Bow #10, Williams, will finally get a chance to race nearby another boat, and we're wondering how they're going to handle that pressure. It's been years since anybody's seen the backs of their heads, but we hear they're ridiculous. Columbia will fly under the radar until race day, but don't disagree with them, we hear 4 Seat knows how to put you in a headlock and doesn't back down.
The Northeastern lineup has come back to town to settle the score, at Bow #12 and an average height of 6'4", they're really a force to be reckoned with. U-23 National Teamer Jen Forbes hasn't been seen wearing shoes since 2002, and she says even then it was a case of mistaken identity. They're hoping she'll put her foot on the gas all the way to FALS, as they challenge the Fat Cats from Princeton, Bow #15. Be nice to yourselves, ladies, we think you look great.
Yet another lady Olympian has found a better offer, as the Grand Valley State women row without their star Sarah Zelenka, but this entry at Bow #22 are hoping the Wayland-Weston alums of Bow #23 really haven't rowed since high school. We're not so sure.
At the back of the pack, the Navy Women are hoping for rough seas at Bow #29; they've got their sonar on, and they will look to harpoon the competition. (Don't worry, we'll be checking bow balls.) The MIT LWT women of Bow #22 have spent all their free time since graduation calculating the fastest way to get from the BU docks to FALS, but have been having trouble with their calculations since they found out that pie R round, instead of square. They're going to work on it and get back to us.
The last to start at Bow #34 is the Michigan Alumni, and while they're last, they're certainly not least. The other entrants in this event are likely to get the best seat in the house as they check out the backs, sides, and then the wakes, of this all-star lineup of Wolverines. Brett Sickler will lay down the rhythm as she looks for backup from Ellen Tomek, Stesha Carle, and Sarah Trowbridge. If this stern 4 makes you worry that you haven't trained hard enough for the Alumni 8+ event, you're right, you haven't.
Oh, you didn't know? That Princeton Training Center? They're training for the HOCR Alumni 8+. So if you're hoping to be a contender in the Alumni 8+ in 2016, we suggest you start training for Rio. Tomorrow?
May the odds be ever in your favor.
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10/20/2012 9:53:27 PM