Seems there's always a last-minute scramble to find enough coxswains for all the entries at the Head of the Charles. As a service to the rowing community, row2k scours the globe at this time of year, bringing underused and undiscovered steerspersons into the spotlight. This year's guest coxswain needs no introduction. Experience? Just listen to these calls: (huge thanks to the Tigris & Euphrates Rowing Club for the tape):

"They are not within a length of us; they are not within a hundred meters of us. In fact they are not anywhere. Let them bask in their illusion."

"Shock and awe power 20, on this one! You will see; the situation will change. It has already changed."

"Be assured, we are in control of our slides."

"The forces of imperialism will miss buoys, I tell you; they will miss more buoys than anyone. We shall disclose facts and figures very soon." ['thunk' of a buoy hitting the hull]

"We are in control. They are in a state of hysteria. Losers…I think they will not win, those bastards."

"I triple guarantee you, the Weeks turn is nothing to us. It is only the slaves of imperialism who believe it. Truly, it is nothing."

"We have given them a sour taste. They are in a quagmire; they will never get out. The situation is excellent."

"They are failing to yield the turn; they are cutting us off at the turn. Do not believe them."

"They are trapped in the Basin. They are trapped near Weeks. They are trapped under Anderson. They are trapped in Basra. They are trapped everywhere."

"Search for the truth. I tell you things and I always ask you to verify what I say. We are catching them like fish in a river. I only answer reasonable questions."

"I can say -- and I am responsible for what I am saying -- that we will do something unconventional against them under Elliot Bridge."

"The finish line is in sight. Come, I will show you the finish line. Then you will believe all that I say."