by Ed Hewitt
with photos and contributions by Lolo Would Go D. and Big D. ("Duke") R.

Dear Fat Cats,

A long overdue report on the Royal Hawaiian Rowing Challenge:

We came in 2nd again in both the 1000 and 500 meter races, although we crossed the line first in the 500. For results please check Ed Hewitt's row2k.com website. The racing format was the same as in the past with four days of heats to earn points to make the finals. Unfortunately for us, the regatta decided to schedule TWO races per day per crew. Terrible. An unhealthy way to run a regatta. Our beach time was severely compromised. The other crews all thought the increase in race events was wonderful!

This year, the regatta decided to impart a handicap system so that women's crews could fairly compete against men's crews. We fell into a handicapper's middle ground since we had a mixed crew. An all female boat would get a 22 second head start per 1000 meters over an all male crew. What fun is that? We would be given a slight head start when racing all-male crews, and a slightly less severe penalty against all female crews. The trouble was that the margins were not always precise, which led to the stripping away of our victory in the 500 meter final.

What happened: We raced against the Abington Church Grammer School from Australia in the final. Grammer schools in Australia are the equivalent of high schools in the US, so we were racing 16 -18 year old boys. Since we had two women in the crew we were granted a 6 second head start in the 1000 meter race. Abington caught us near the end to win by a few seats. In the 500 meter final, we were to be given a 3 second head start. The official held Abington back for perhaps 5 - 6 seconds. We held them off to cross the line a few seats ahead. We returned to the dock victorious.

Meanwhile, the Abington boys rightfully complained that the handicap was too long. The official noted his mistake and awarded them a few more seconds, thereby improving their time enough to overtake ours. So, we kissed the victor's leis and popcorn bowl goodbye, even though in the contest of boat and blade, our bow crossed the finish line first. The Aussie coaches offered a rerow, which of course we declined, as we had plans for the beach. They felt bad enough about the episode to give me a really nice polo shirt, so I forgave them.

More importantly, the crew had some success surfing the break at Waikiki, the North Shore surf was awesome, we saw the Eddie Aikau big wave championship including Pamela Sue Anderson as human roof ornament on a surfer's pick-up truck, and Ed Hewitt is still alive.

Mahalo and congrats to the Fat Cats - Special mahalo to Brett our 12 year old coxswain borrowed from the Aussies, whose outstanding abilities cannot be adequately described in print.

Aloha,
el tigre

Fortunately for folks who wanted to get some serious training done, the Royal Hawaiian Regatta set up a round robin progression so that all crews raced twice daily. By the end of the regatta, each crew would have lined up across from one another to duke out a 1000 and a 500 meter race.

Not so fortunately for folks like me, who use the short races as a reason to get out of the bed in the morning, a perfect wake-up call, and prep for a day's meanderings in the islands revered by Jack London, Captain Cook, Mark Twain, and Olympic gold medalist Duke Kahanomoku. This year, I was switching sides, rowing with one foot out and in long sleeves due to various calamities, and, on a day I sat out, watching my mates nip the local Hawaiian crew. Previously reliable for an easy morning, this year the locals were moving boats well.

On one of the racing days, our crew was scheduled for a 2PM race. Up to that point, we'd been willing participants, even as we were ambushed with a two-a-day program in Honolulu. That day, the general feeling was to hit the road.

So we scratched. But given the payoff - watching surfing competition in 25-foot surf from palm-tree-covered cliffs, snorkeling among turtles, rays, and moray eels, and ogling the most downloaded woman in the world as she stood atop a pickup truck catching rays, stunning sunsets - who would say we didn't have our priorities straight?

Don't get me wrong, I'm far from anti-rowing (row2k's the proof), and appreciate the hard work of the regatta folks like Ryan Tam and Robyn Johl who make this happen every year, with hotel discounts, good equipment shipped over from USC, and plenty of aloha. I spent one afternoon after racing rowing a double with Mark Miller out to an island in the ocean, where we caught 2-3 foot waves, in a sculling boat! Folks on the beach a mile away figured it couldn't be us, it had to be a power boat. And I had done some preparation while on Maui in the days preceding the racing. But it's time for carpetbaggers and retirees like myself to step aside, leave the mid-day wrangling over seats and bowdecks to the young'uns, and older 'uns, who value high-intensity, flat-out, closely-challenged boat-racing.

But let the word go out - if you want to duke it out four times a day, for five days continuously, in a near-paradise, the Royal Hawaiian Challenge Regatta resumes on Dec. 28, 1999.

Additional crews not linked above:

• Churchie A, men's regatta champs
• Hitosubashi men's crew, 2nd place.
• USC Women "A" Boat, women's champs
• USC "B" women
• Oregon women (including a couple elite US rowers)