Everybody whines about how rowing gets no attention, is never on teevee, yip yap blubber. But I'll tell you what happens when you get your sport on teevee.

You been to a Starbucks lately? Since the Toor dee France started? Every middle-aged middle manager is out on an overpriced and under-ridden 12-speed in a few hundred bucks worth of apparel, strutting their stuff - and I mean ALL of their stuff - right up to the pickup window at their favorite latte joint. Somehow these folks seem to manage to put away more calories than they burn by the time the weekend is out.

Do these folks need Day-Glo suits? First off, on some of these guys, the Day-glo patches half-disappear into the folds of flesh pouring over their handlebars. They say it's to make themselves visible on the roads - dudes, when you're bigger than a tool shed, you could wear black from head to toe and we'd see you. If there is extraterrestrial life training telescopes Mother Earth, we've been found out this month. It’s no crime to carry some extra tenderloin around; I got plenty. But that’s between me, my office chair, the shower curtain, and the toilet seat; nobody else needs to know. We don't need you to advertise your girth with clothes so tight little kids are traumatized and adults wonder if it's body paint, not lycra.

So next time you complain about no rowing on teevee, stop and think what might happen to your quiet lakes and rivers if there was a ton of rowing on teevee. The rare horror show at the boat-washing station would expand exponentially, right into your favorite coffee joint or Wawa. But I'm as much a publicity hound as the next guy; give me a teevee show and I'll tell it like it is. So long as the pay is good.